Productive Forgetting: Part 4

This is the final blog on Productive Forgetting. To re-cap a bit..... Productive Forgetting is the ability to abandon unproductive ideas and temporarily put aside stubborn problems until new approaches can be considered. I have previously shared my thoughts on how this concept affects my outside world in recovery with containment and denial. My internal world is also affected.

I believe all of my parts work to help the entire system. They do not always have the most current information but they all are attempting to help me in some way. (See www.selfleadership.org for more information on parts.) I think MANY of my parts have known about Productive Forgetting FOREVER. (It makes me wonder if the person who "invented" this term had several parts of his / her own!)

My system at times works very hard and succeeds to keep information from me. I have lost time and will find things I've done which I do not recall. I believe specific parts work to keep this information from me because they do not think I have the skills yet to comprehend what happened. At times I get frustrated when I can't remember certain time frames but I appreciate the care of my parts.

I have parts that "fog" certain memories or ideas so I can only glimpse pieces of them. I have some parts that lock information away so I do not have access to it at all. These protectors feed me only the information they believe I can handle at the time.

I ALSO have parts I WISH I could forget. I wish there was a way to forget the rapes entirely. However, I realize I HAVE done that in the past and found it was not "productive" forgetting. It eventually became unproductive as I had flashbacks and a life threatening eating disorder while suppressing or avoiding these memories.

The crux of the definition of Productive Forgetting is "until new approaches can be considered." I have new approaches and all my parts or memories are welcome. Together we can productively forget as well as productively remember. I am thankful for the work of Richard Schwartz who created IFS. It is through this modality I have been able to safely deal with all my memories and parts. Without IFS, I would not have these new skills to work with the previously forgotten or avoided problems.

Feel free to comment: Do you have parts or memories that have been "Unproductively" Forgotten? Do you think IFS part work could help you deal with them safely?

Productive Forgetting: Part 3

On the flip side of the idea of Productive Forgetting (introduced in my last two blogs), exists DENIAL….

How do we know when productive forgetting moves into denial? I believe the key word of the definition is TEMPORARILY. There is no given time limit in the definition above but biblically we are told not to let the sun go down on our anger (Ephesians 4:26) and to leave a sacrifice at the alter if someone has something against us (Matthew 5:23-24). God wants us to press on (2 Timothy 4:7) but also address our own logs (Matthew 7:3-5). I believe temporary is only the time ABSOLUTELY necessary to complete the task at hand and get to a place where the problem can be resolved.

God has set before us an abundant life if we chose to walk in it. It is hard to believe He wants the best for us when there has been SO much hurt in this world but I believe He wants this for us TODAY. When debating on “productively forgetting” an issue, memory or problem, ask yourself:

Am I avoiding a situation or do I honestly need to gain help, guidance or knowledge before proceeding?

Please share: What are you avoiding? What kind of help do you need?

Productive Forgetting: Part 2

In my last blog I introduced the idea of productive forgetting. The first function productive forgetting plays in my life is to help me contain ideas, memories or problems. Part of my recovery journey has included learning when and how certain topics or facts are appropriate for situations, discussions or activities in my life. I have been hurt in situations where I shared too much or too little.

“There is a time for everything and a season for every activity under the heavens…”
– Ecclesiastes 3:1

The concept of productive forgetting allows me to contain any unsafe or vulnerable thoughts or ideas until I am able to discuss and process them honestly, safely and openly. By figuratively setting an idea or memory aside (usually in some kind of mental or symbolic container) until I find time to fully explore options and beliefs, I am honoring the parts that need protection as well as the parts that need a voice. I will “hold onto” an emotionally activating thought until I have the correct assistance, skills or tools to address it.

“The heart of the discerning acquires knowledge; the ears of the wise seek it out.”
– Proverbs 18:15

I would love to hear if you use containment in your work with parts? Does it help? What are some of your tricks? Does Productive Forgetting sound like containment work to you?

Productive Forgetting: Part 1

I am a bit of a Doctor Who fan.... for anyone who doesn't know this is an awesome science fiction show. I heard a quote today from Doctor Who. "They forget because they must." The show was speaking of people who were dreaming of the horrors that would take place at the end of the world. No one remembered the dreams because they were too terrible to comprehend.

This quote accompanied by the recent discovery of a combination of words opened a new perspective around my understanding of recovery and part work. In some business research I read the words, "Productive Forgetting."

Productive Forgetting: the ability to abandon unproductive ideas and temporarily put aside stubborn problems until new approaches can be considered.

This phrase is used in business but could be DANGEROUS in recovery! As someone who struggles with processing some of my past hurts and making choices to further my recovery from an eating disorder, I carefully asses my mood and actions in a daily inventory. The concept of Productive Forgetting can work FOR me or AGAINST me!

I believe this phrase plays a role in at least 3 different areas of my life:
Containment
Denial
Exiled Parts

Feel free to comment: I'm curious to know what you think of the concept of Productive Forgetting.

Relationships

I'm so tired of my life! I think the biggest problem is my relationships. I believe the most important part of life is relationships so if they are screwed up.... it makes sense that my life would be screwed up. I feel EXTREMELY overwhelmed with everything. Most of the issues on my list of "too much to deal with" are relational problems. Family and friends are very important to me but I want to walk away from everyone right now! I'm just not sure how much these "loved ones" bring into my life anymore. Maybe I could learn to appreciate them again if I had a break.... I want a vacation from my life! I can't currently think of ONE relationship that is simple and fun.... there is ALWAYS some kind of complication. The problem is, these are the "healthy" relationships in my life. I think it has more to do with me then THEM. I'm just TIRED! I think it's getting to much. I find myself crippled in depression. Have you ever wanted a vacation from your life? What do you do when your relationships are messy?