A bit better

I'm starting to feel a bit better. I've worked quite a bit today. I've eaten fairly normal and haven't had any suicidal thoughts today.

Last night I went to church. I worshipped God, prayed and listened to my pastor. It helped. I LOVE my church worship team! I also talked to my therapist on the phone.

It was a bit awkward but I'm glad I called her. I think she had a long day (8 hours of sessions straight would do that to me too) before she got to call me. I'm thankful she called me though and didn't send the cops to baker act me. When half an hour had passed from the time I thought she would call I started to worry that she had given up on me and just sent someone to take me to a crisis stabilization unit. I really don't belong there! I can tell she didn't know what to tell me or maybe what I was asking. I think I needed a goal, plan, accountability. All I know is that yesterday at 8am I was ready to swallow a bottle of Advil and the only thing I knew to do was call my therapist. I don't think she likes to communicate outside of session at all. Not like other therapists, I've had. That's probably good.

By the time I talked to my therapist, I had gone to church and made a couple other good decisions. I probably could have gone without talking to her but I'm not sure I would have got where I did without the motivation of knowing I would have to talk to her. Make sense???? I went into "emergency" depression and needed to give myself the NEED to pick myself up from it. If my therapist had heard me where I was that morning, I would have been committed. Someone inside won't let that happen. I worked out a few plans with friends and got some extra support. I even fell back on a couple tools from my "old depression days." I made some positive lists and packed my schedule to stay busy.