Pushing Through

Today's been a really hard day. My motivation level is in the negative range. I can't think of any reason why. I should be happier. I have a bunch of financial stress but it's getting better. I made an extra $20 today tutoring which should be able to get me through to my next pay check.

I had a difficult evening last night. I went to a movie with a friend who seemed rather antagonistic towards me and I can't figure out why. Then I had the most horrible cramps that kept me awake from about 3:30 to 6:30am. I missed church this morning to sleep in.

Despite the depressed mood, I'm actually pretty proud of myself. I've managed to work on the Arbonne poster a bit, clean out the fridge, return something, get some gas and a newspaper, tutor one of my clients, fold 2 loads of laundry and now I'm getting ready to watch church on-line (just can't get myself to go) and clip coupons.

My "zombie" part that gets stuff done and ignores the emotion has stepped in a lot this weekend. She's not the one that shuts me down, she's the one that puts one foot in front of the other. She doesn't deal with the emotion but it still weighs her down. She doesn't have a name now and I'm not sure "she's" not a "he." I'm thankful for her / him / it. I wish that part didn't have to step in though. Life isn't much fun with all these parts. It's kind of confusing. It's so unpredictable.