Little One

One of my Little Ones came out in public. I hate to say it, but I was embarrassed. I know she hears me but when I think back on what my friend must have thought.... She looked at me kinda funny and then responded to me like she would her child.

Me: I was talking to my friend about possibly doing something later when I said, "But, I need help." It was more of a whine than a statement.

My friend: "What I needed help with."

Me: (a different part said) "I'm not sure. I can probably do the Arbonne stuff on my own. I feel like your little girl... 'Mommy, I need you.'"

I shrugged it off and we went our separate ways.

In the car on the way home that little one was still waiting for help. I asked her what she needed. She said she just needed to be loved. I don't know how to do that for her. I don't know what that means. She wants someone to hold her. Victoria stepped in and decided to push Mae to go to a wine tasting so we can meet a man that will hold us. I don't think that's the right answer though either.

I wanted to go out and spend money. I realized I was trying to fill a void. I'm doing to the little one what my dad (and Granny) does. She doesn't want stuff. She wants someone to love and take care of her. How do I do that?

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Me: Little One, I love you but I don't know how to show it in a way you would like. What do you want me to do.

Little One: I'm hungry, you haven't given me anything to eat all day. And I want to cuddle.

Me: I can get something to eat for you and snuggle up on the couch with the cats. Is that okay?

Little One: I guess. Can we color too?

Me: Yes. What do you want to eat?

ED: We have to eat the salad and left overs.

Little One: But I don't want that. Plus, Mommy says it would make us sick because it was sitting out. Can't you have that later when you buy new ones?

Me: Yes, this is your time Little One. Ed, can you give us this time and work on something else.

ED: I'll still be here when you are done. Just like last night. How could you have thought we wouldn't throw that up?

Me: We were trying to have comfort food with balance and mindfulness. This is Little One's time. She needs to eat to get big. She knows what she needs and wants.

Little One: My turn?

Me: Yep!

Little One: Yay!
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After that, we ate chicken nuggets and macaroni and cheese (unfortunately they were soy chicken nuggets and whole grain mac - n - cheese). My mannerisms even changed a little. I found myself dancing around the kitchen like I used to as a child.

My decisions were made as if I was a child... my thinking pattern changed to that of a child's. I drank a coke and thought about how it's a big girl drink..... I curled up on the couch with my blankets and watched a couple black and white movies, like I used to with mom when I was little. I had a snack of peanut butter and jelly cracker sandwiches and chocolate milk, too. We didn't color yet but it feels like the little one is sleeping. I will color if she wants to.