Need a Hug!

I think I need a hug but I don't have anyone to give it to me. I can hug my kitties but it's just not the same. I called a friend but she was busy.

I am in a bit of a funk. I think this funk has been hanging around for several days. I decided that I wanted to do nothing but rest, relax and have fun this weekend to try to recuperate a bit. Now it's Sunday and the start of the work week is closing in fast. I have so many thoughts, interests, conflicts, desires, lists of things to do that I'm dizzy.

I decided to visit my family (mother and step father) after church to be a "good" daughter... bad choice! I did have a couple things to drop off to my mom and she made me lunch but my step father was in "a mood." It wasn't terrible but I could tell he is headed toward a blow up. I got out as fast as I could. Why does he have to be so difficult?

Little Part: I don't understand him at all. I don't like him.

Now all I want to do is binge. I ate a cookie when I got home and hoped I could stop there. If I can't find some sort of comfort I fear this day will end up in an episode....

What do I do though? My therapist and a couple other people I've worked with would say something about just sitting with the feelings or feeling the pain. I feel the pain but why would anyone choose to stay in it?! That seems masochistic! I don't want to binge and purge but I don't want to be sad, disappointed, hurt, abandoned and neglected either! What's my other option?

How does a single woman, who lives alone feel loved? I've got no one to support me right now. I should be able to "Fully Rely On God" but does God give out hugs and rocks me to sleep, while singing and hubing my head? No, God gives reasons why I can't have those things. God gives lessons and opportunities for growth. He disciplines and instructs and guides. Where's the god who loves and is always there for me? Where is the god of the poem, "Footsteps?"