Decision

I've decided to stay in my current job, live in my house and turn down the Ohio job.

There's more to life than a job.

Do I want my current job? Do I think it will be any less frustrating?

NO!

Am I going to regret my decision?

Probably...

Would I regret the decision either way?

Definitely!

I have barley been able to think of anything else for weeks. I have to stop the debate. I worry that I taking the safe route out of fear.

It can't be such a bad thing to pick the safe answer when recovery is on the line.

I made my decision on a plane trip from CT to FL. I couldn't stop thinking about it so figured it was time to make a decision. I'm lucky people on planes are in their own little worlds because I was crying most of the trip. I don't want to keep make this decision. I really want to be able to be done with it all but even today I'm already second guessing myself.

I'm starting to dread work on Monday and the hot winters already. I'm starting to like my life here though.

I'm so conflicted!

Confused

I found myself surfing the web tonight to see if laxatives REALLY DO make someone lose weight. I didn't go on the pro-ana/mia sites but it doesn't matter. I'm still having the urge to binge / purge / restrict dispite the warnings I read from medical sites.

I'm really VERY stressed out. I called my dad yesterday and he didn't asnwer the phone. I don't really like my dad but I know this is some kind of punishment. About two weeks ago he hung up on me because I didn't want to talk to him about something. He hasn't talked to me since. The guilt has set in. I'm also having to decide if I'm going to move to Ohio for a job. Most the the time, I don't want to go but parts of mine want the adventure and change of environment. I am beyond confused and no one is going to be able to help me with this.

I got the job offer and I've been crying off and on ever since. That just doesn't seem right! Then again, change is always hard but that doesn't mean it's bad. I'm so confused.

I'm also sort of at a pivotal time in my recovery. I'm sure I would backslide if I moved. I'm already starting (as stated above). Do I want that?

I'm afraid if I don't take this job (it's a great opportunity) that I might just die in my current job. I really hate my job and want to change industries. Do I take the risk that I will find something here or go for the sure thing that will mean EVERYTHING changes?

Random Thoughts

I'm totally straight but I think this woman is one of the most attractive women I've ever seen. She's an actress I noticed in an episode of NCIS.

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I've been having trouble with the fact that I'll probably never like my job. I wish someone would pay me to sleep! Or... write a blog!

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I really need a massage!

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I'm doing this show for Arbonne, the wonderful health and wellness company I work with but I'm worried about it. The friend I'm doing it with isn't being very helpful and another person who sort of mentors me isn't being very helpful either! AAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh!

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I started keeping a food journal again. I'm not sure how long that will last or if it's worth it.

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I HAVE SO MUCH TO DO!!!!!!!!!!

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I just ordered a pizza and it's soooooooooooo worth the calories!