Castlewood Treatment Center

I'm drawn to Castlewood Treatment Center. I can't help it! I hate this desire but it seems like such a haven for us. My parts need help! They are a mess and so new at all this. I feel so chaotic most of the time.

I KNOW I would learn soooooooo much from time spent there but treatment is ubber expensive and then there are all the bills I would still have to pay while away. I have the urge to MAKE my eating disorder (ED) REALLY bad so that I would HAVE to go into treatment. I know that's probably telling me something else about my stress level or some other part needing to talk but I really just want to go. I actually have dreams of just jumping in my car and driving to Castlewood.

I'm not eating dinner!

What would that really do though? All my problems would be here when I get back. Not to mention bank foreclosure, collections and no job. I'm just about to pay off my other two treatment centers that did nothing for me. The only way I could convince myself to go is if I was dangerously ill. I'm not, though. Damn!

I'm hurting a lot today. I'm frozen. I need to do so many things but my options seem to be: act out on my ED, go to bed or blog...