Exiles

I've made some good progress lately with my parts. We all want to move faster though. We are anxious to unburden Pandora. She seems to be the forefront of almost every issue that comes up lately. I don't know how to proceed though and my therapist doesn't really know IFS.

In the meantime, I'm still learning more about my system. I'm getting to know my exiles better. I found a new part this past week. It's an exile; one of my Little Ones. They've all been sort of one chorus of voices for the longest time. They were too scared to separate. As I've been working through some of my harder past issues and making big steps to care for myself maybe they are feeling safer.

I can't help but be scared of them. It's a strange cycle. They are scared of me for locking them away so they all joined together to keep from being identifiable. I'm scared of them so I lock them away. Now I'm trying to break the cycle and it's hard when it's embedded in mistrust and abandon.

My abandonment issues have been front and center in the past few days. A friend (very good friend) of mine is in the hospital and very very sick. She's cut me out of that part of her life. I don't understand it. I'm trying to remember that it's not about me and she may just need different things than I do when I'm sick. Then I had a dream about my old therapist. She was such a problem for me and every now and then something happens to force all that pain back into my life.

I know its all connected. I know God's going to take care of all of this but I can't help but be sad, lonely and anxious at times.