Enough

I'm truly drowning!  I can't pack anything else into my schedule and now a friend I haven't seen in years wants to stop by for the night.  I want to see her but I can't help wonder "why now!"  I've invited her multiple times before and now that she has a work trip here, she suddenly needs a place to crash!  NO!  But I said "maybe... if it's an emergency."  The problem is, I would like to see her.  I know this has "healthy boundaries exercise" written all over it.  I'm just so tired of saying no to things I WANT to do because I HAVE to say yes to things I DON'T want to do.  I just don't want to grow up! I do not feel in control of my life right now.  I don't enjoy things anymore.  Work, Family, Friends, Home, Cats, Me, Exercise, Food, Church, Vacation, Interviews ... it all seems like work!  Nothing is exciting.  I'm struggling with depression, for real.  I know it, I feel it and I just don't want to deal with it! It's too late right now and I still have a chapter to read for church with questions, clothes to pack for tomorrow and a testimony to write.... ha ha!  I'm going to bed! Screw it!  Oh, and I have to be at work early.  Something's gotta give or soon it's gunna be me! Enough!